I'm Ready For A Change

Well, I have gone back and forth deciding on what I will blog about today. So I decided on weight loss.  I have decided that I am sick and tired of being fat overweight! So, to keep myself on track, have somewhere to log my good days, my bad days and feel like I am being held accountable for what I eat and when and how much I exercise, I am going to blog about it here. I have struggled with my weight since I was around 13. The summer I turned 18 I decided enough was enough and with the help of my mom I went on the "grapefruit diet" it was nasty but she kept me on track AND I lost 55lbs! I was so happy. The next year I got married and a year after that I got pregnant with Anika. I gained 70lbs with her. But, I lost every bit of it within 3 months of having her. I was so relieved! Within that next year I lost 20 more pounds and felt great, it was the smallest I had been in years. Then, when Anika turned 14 months I found out I was pregnant with Easton. I thought I would lose the weight easy, like I did with Anika. I craved Pepsi, potato salad and gummy bears. I couldn't go in the store without buying a Pepsi and a bag of gummy bears. I ended up gaining 80lbs with him. I never lost the weight. I tried on and off but with 2 babies 22 months apart I just didn't seem to have the energy for myself. Then 3 years later, I got pregnant with Landry. I wished I had lost the weight before I got pregnant. I ended up with gestational diabetes. It was terrible. I had to watch everything I ate, poke my finger several times a day then eventually giving myself a shot of insulin in the belly. I cried....ALOT. I know people do it everyday but, I have a HUGE fear of needles and would nearly have a panic attack every time I had to do it. You would think that alone would make me want to lose the weight. I did try, several times. I lost a little. But, I would get discouraged and stop.  I refuse to do that this time. I have to do this. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I want to be happy with myself. So starting tomorrow I start my long, hard (but worth it) journey. I know I don't have many here to read this but just knowing that someone could pop in and read  is enough for me. So here goes nothing everything!